It’s coming together. Well, in a way.

I’d love to be where I need to be at this point. I’m not. But if writing were a train, I’d be on the locomotive eyeballing that dim light at far the end of what seems like an endless tunnel.

This month’s musings feel awkward to me. If you read on, they may feel that way to you as well.

I’ve made a little progress on the Keddie book. The beginning is not entirely what I’d envisioned, but I’m sticking to the outline and my subconscious seems to know better than my buzzing brain when it comes to the actual writing. If “I” could stay out of this and just let the connection between my creative brain and my typing fingers do their job, I’d probably be further along. Stress may be a factor.

The research seems to never end. There is no “enough.” People come forward or are recommended. Other people run away. Each scenario brings something valuable to the overall project. That’s the good news. The bad news is that the case gets more complex with each revelation. No wonder it’s still an open investigation. If only anyone aside from the victims’ families wanted it solved.

Last month, I mentioned having only written the first chapter. No lie, it was the most difficult chapter I’ve ever written in any book. Heavy on the distant history of the county – nothing about the crimes. In fact, the first three chapters will be that way. Six chapters, if one includes the subsequent three, which detail the rise and fall of the resort town in which the crimes occurred. I’ve agonized over including so much history on the county and its towns. I worry the information dump, which is technically necessary, will come off as dry. Some readers will find it tedious and unnecessary. However, when I step back after a writing session and then return later, it feels like I’ve been let in on why it all matters and how it ties in to the overall work. The aforementioned brain/finger connection takes a sidestep, revealing things I didn’t see. So far, it’s working.

I’m beginning to have serious doubts about my deadline, though. The end of September? Really? Part of me is panicked. Probably the sane part. The rest of me continues to virtually pat my shoulder, assuring me it’s all under control. In fairness, after the history and geography lessons are finished, I’ll be able to pick up meaningful speed. Writing about the people, the crime, the investigation, and the various roadblocks are complex, but this is the meat of the book.

This month, I’ve tried to stay on point for my monthly post by discussing work more than my personal life, even though my head feels scattered in both directions. My days have been filled with research on the Western Pacific Railroad, the group dynamics involved in a community, and some of the region’s former gold rush towns that have disappeared over a century. I’m sure it’s less interesting to most folks than the upcoming details surrounding a quadruple homicide and the challenges impeding its closure. At least at first. Later, as I detail the facts and describe the personalities involved, the lightbulb will switch on. Everything that came before will suddenly make sense. Understanding the crime is straightforward. Understanding all that happened before and after the crime is where we gain perspective.

Perhaps I should go ahead and include a little about other events swirling in my orbit. It may even garner some sympathy over my inability to get the first six chapters behind me.

My granddaughter is here visiting right now. Her first real visit in years. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her, I didn’t even recognize her when I picked her up from the Las Vegas airport last month. How bad of a grandparent am I? I did see her briefly last summer during my Miami trip, but she’s grown a lot since then. And since she’s here, I have to spend time with her. The good news is, she sleeps in. I’m an early riser. This combination is good for writing and bad for excuses. In any case, she’s scheduled to fly home in less than two weeks. After that, I’ll have zero opportunities to blame anyone but myself for a lack of momentum. I even rescheduled an upcoming dental cleaning to clear July’s calendar.

If I were trying to let myself off the proverbial hook, I’d remind myself that June included taking a round-trip drive to Las Vegas to pick her up, a family reunion-type dinner in her honor that gobbled up another three days between travel and the event, and an obligatory celebration of my (twelfth) anniversary. Also, can I just mention? Grandma Taxi is a thing.

Enough about that. I need to keep focused.

In my previous musings, I mentioned doing a second interview with someone related to the criminal case. It took place as scheduled, and it was interesting to say the least. (It was also another four days away from the computer.)

Anyway, the victims’ daughter joined me to ease the potential angst over having to unearth some rather sensitive facts – and rumors. Surprisingly, the interviewee was not only understanding when I told him I would be including certain information that he won’t appreciate, he was gracious and helpful and even confirmed an uncomfortable truth. I’ll be honest. I didn’t see that coming. I expected a negative reaction, perhaps an explosive response, and worried how that might manifest itself in the course of our four-hour conversation. In the end, however, he was a trouper. If anyone got a little emotional, it was me. This is no easy task. But while I didn’t get what I was ultimately looking for, I gleaned some new things that will prove most helpful.

Blogging about the journey of this project is a little frustrating. There are things I’d like to put out there to give some context or some sort of explanation for the disjointedness in my posts, but I can’t. Not yet. To promise that everything will be revealed when the book is out feels weak. It’s true, though. A lot is happening behind the scenes here. There are those who would like information I cannot yet give them. There is also the issue of a rather nefarious character who has involved himself in the lives of the victims’ families and needs to be dealt with (vague, I know). Until the release date, I have to be careful for these and other reasons I’m not at liberty to divulge. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not good at keeping things to myself. It’s a difficult position to be in. I can only apologize to anyone reading this who goes away confused.

So that’s it for the month. June was scattered and July may be as well. However, I figure I’m about four thousand words away from that light at the end of tunnel, where the tracks will be steady, without steep inclines, and the engine will hum along nicely. Maybe then I’ll be in a position to…dare I say it…toot my own horn?

Oh Heather, stop it!