It’s difficult, for some reason, to even say this, but…the book is finished.

I never envisioned straying from my usual genre to write something so completely different than what I’m accustomed to. There were many, many times I didn’t think it would happen. So much is riding on this particular book. I really had to try to keep blinders on and plough through. If I thought too much about it, I’d have probably been too overwhelmed to continue.

And to be perfectly honest, I’ve never wanted to quit something so much in my life.

It was hard.

It was sad.

The deadline was impossible to meet.

So many doors slammed shut in my face when I tried to secure pivotal interviews. More often than not, the project seemed too big for some mainstream novelist who hasn’t even finished her first saga. I had many reasons to stop and move on to do what I think I do best―and only one reason to continue. In the end, that one reason outshone the negatives.

There are four people who lost their lives, and many of their family still grieves. Someone had to write this book. Others could have, and may have even done a better job from a technical, traditional true crime vantage point. But they didn’t. For some reason, they just flat-out didn’t. So I either had to abandon their family and let what’s coming up on fifty years of unanswered questions just pass as if that were an acceptable thing, or sit at the keyboard and click through this impossible beast of a book.

Never would I claim to have done this on my own.

I owe a debt of gratitude to all those who helped me in the background. My researcher (who, let’s face it, is much more of a factor than I am here), my manager who let me just write and told me not to worry about anything else, the family who opened up their personal lives and files to reveal themselves in such a vulnerable way, those who gave me their time and candor in the course of difficult interviews, my family who saw me through two death at the beginning end of the book when I could least handle the loss, and also, the friends who cheered me on and encouraged me when I wanted to stop.

For anyone out there―specifically, a writer―who feels overwhelmed by their projects or doubts their ability to finish what they started, I get it. No one wants to make themselves look stupid by biting off more than they can chew. That’s exactly what I did here. It was too much for me. It still is.

But somehow, I did it. And if you keep your head down and work diligently, you can too. We are not our feelings, so ignore your self-doubt and soldier on. Whatever made you start, whatever made you take that bite in the first place, chew it until you’re able to swallow it. You’ll be so satisfied, so grateful, when it’s done.

This month’s Musings is very short, but that’s because there’s still so much to do before the launch. I considered skipping this month, to be honest. But how is that any different than the same “I quit” mentality that nearly destroyed my ability to finish the book? Nah…I tell you to soldier through and I’m telling myself that same thing. Do it. You’ll be glad you did. Or, at least, relieved you didn’t give up.

Hoping everyone out there has a wonderful February.

TTFN